Set Back

As you all probably already know; we have had a setback.

Our USCIS paperwork is lost...where? NO idea....the post office couldn't even track it via our receipt. So, I cancelled the check and we are resubmitting this upcoming week.

No matter how hard I try to grasp at some hope that it will all come through...it is truly just lost and I can't waste any more valuable time praying that it magically shows up. Our boys NEED to get home...we NEED them home....and time is truly of the essence for them both.

I am grateful that we could get our money back, that the check did not fall into the wrong hands, and that we can resubmit. It might mean asking our social worker for another home study copy though...which, I hate to do because he has already been more than generous in helping us out.

The road is long...

frustrating...

and it makes me angry sometimes because ALL I want to do is get on that plane and bring them home....

Even though I am frustrated, angry, and have shed more tears than I can count today... I know God has a plan and I know that he will see us through!  We will make it....one step at a time...

On a happy note tomorrow is Pipers birthday party!! I have spent the night hanging streamers, purchasing food, wrapping gifts, and cleaning. My, how time has FLOWN. I truly cannot believe my baby is TWO!!!! I treasure each and every moment....

Our sweet, spunky, hard headed, kind hearted, beautiful, funny little angel...we love you!

waiting

Will the waiting ever end??

I know it will.

I have faith that it will.

I know we will get to our boys soon....but its still SO hard to wait!!! I feel like an impatient teenager waiting for her first date or a three year old waiting for Christmas morning...

I imagine meeting the boys for the first time and I will go over the potential motions in my head over and over again. Despite legalities, they are our SONS...they have our hearts and we love them immeasurably.

I received new pictures today. I have probably looked at each one a thousand times already.

They have grown!!!

And I know it sounds selfish; but my first thought was..." They have grown so much...and I have missed it!" It kills me that I haven't been with them to watch them grow...cheering them on in their successes, holding them when they are upset, loving them, and praying with them.

It's illogical to feel that way, I know.

But I do.

I know Gods timing is perfect and he has reason for EVERYTHING. And I know that they will come home exactly when God intends. But as their Mother it is still hard to miss out on those moments....moments that can never be gotten back.

We are working SO hard to get to them. Some days I feel like all I do is work towards getting them home...

But until then.....

They grow....

And they wait.

I am grateful that they appear to be doing fairly well. Nash is all smiles and Aiden seems to be alright. I admit I worry most about our Aiden. He is so sensitive and out of touch with his surroundings...

I was told he was stimming (self stimulatory behavior) constantly when these pictures were taken; poor darling was just so overwhelmed by the commotion. 

Nash, however, is doing fabulous. We are so proud of our little boy! He has such a kind spirit and can absolutely light up a room with that fabulous smile!

You will notice I am using his reeces name; I think we are going to call him by his REAL name unless HE tells us otherwise. We don't want to overwhelm our darling too much with a new confusing name.

I was very happy to see Aiden smile a little at least! Our darling boy has so much potential and I cannot wait to see God peel back all his layers so Aiden can truly be Aiden....the marvelous, spectacular, sweet little boy that he was created to be! 

It's hard to believe that nearly a year ago God called us to adopt this precious little boy...

He called us through a small picture...

We knew nothing about him. We had no idea how significant his needs were.

But we loved him instantly....and we knew without a doubt that God had forged our path.

I am HONORED that we get to be parents to these two marvelous little boys.

We can't wait!

This is our calling....

A part of me feels like I am suppose to have all the answers; as if no matter what I think or feel it is suppose to all combine to make perfect sense.

Everything has to have a reason right?

Nothing can just be happen stance.

Yet I still ask myself, "Why?"

I haven't always been a believer. I haven't always known my savior or had faith to drive me forward. I always "called" myself a Christian but it is only in the last five years or so that I have been living as such.

I am NOT by any means of the definition "perfect" or "worthy"....

I NEVER believed that God would call me to do something worth while or important; I always thought he only called "important people"....people who have proven themselves...the real Mother Teresa types...

As I have grown as a Christian and a true believer I have learned that that couldn't be farther from the truth...

God calls us ALL.

He calls us all to do his work...to be HIS hands and feet...

He calls us all in different ways...

My calling is not necessarily your calling...

But I rest assured in what my calling is....

Orphans, the fatherless....the least of these...

THIS is my life's mission. True, the term "life mission" sounds extreme and very official...but I think that's the way God intends it.

God has wrought forth a place of unforeseen beauty within my heart. He has molded my very being and placed perfect complacency in my soul. He has shown the me the pure passion and divine love that HE has for these precious children.

I am not perfect and God still has a LOT of work to do on me....

I don't know what the future holds...

But I know that our first mission is bringing these boys home.

Because for THEM it will change every essence of their being.

To THEM the world will be made new.

To THEM it will matter...

Matthew 25:40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

And so our mission has begun...

Because HE truly makes beautiful things....

"You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of  US...."

Picture this

A love like no other....

Amazing love...

" I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again

I'm forgiven because you were forsaken
I'm accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again

Amazing love, how can it be?
That you, my king. would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
Amazing love how can it be?
That my king would die for me
Amazing love I know it's true
Its my joy to honor you
In all I do
I honor you...."


This song has been on my heart all day. 

This has been a wonderful week. No, we didn't make a ton of progress on the adoption front....but God has finally given be absolute peace and security.

I had it before...

I always knew that this was God's plan for our life and we would faithfully obey without question. However, there is a big difference between "knowing" and perfect internal peace ( at least for me! ).

It came in many ways....

It came through pure generosity of others with a true passion to help us reach our financial goal...

It came through the bible verses I read in my quiet times....

And it came through the people that God put in my life throughout the week....

 In moments of thinking "I can't"...God says "YES, you can" and "...you ARE!"

Praise God!

In the way of a quick progress update; we are officially USCIS submitted!!! Next, we just have to get our biometric fingerprints done, apostile documents, get our medical forms, updated marriage certificate, notarize a few pages, and then we can send off our dossier (not necessarily in that particular order)!! We are praying like crazy we can travel in July or early August.....please keep our family and our boys in your prayers!!!

We are waiting for you boys!!! Your sisters can't wait to meet you and 

your Mommy and Daddy love you!

waiting

Waiting is hard...

I never thought it would be THIS hard to wait.

But these are my sons!

They are my precious baby boys and I want nothing more than to hold them close and tell them that I love them. We have been so incredibly blessed through this whole journey....

God is truly spectacular and we do not deserve all the love and support that we have received. In my heart I know Gods timing is perfect and precise...

I know we will travel exactly when God intends...

But my heart still aches.

Waiting for an adoption to be complete is hard in and of itself....but once you see your children's faces, speak their names, pray for them unceasingly, and know that you are missing precious moments with them.....

Well..

That's a whole other ball game. It would be easy for the pain of waiting to turn into anger.

But I know that the Lord is keeping our boys safe...

but I also pray they won't have to wait much longer.

Frustrated!!

I have been so stressed this last week....

On top of all the paperwork and constant rushing around; EVERYTHING in our house has decided to break, stop working, or leak on us...

* Our dishwasher is leaking and has buckled our laminate hardwood floors in the kitchen...they are ruined.

* Our upstairs toilet decided to overflow which caused a leak in the laundry room below; now part of the ceiling needs replacing.

*Our banister ripped out of the wall so that needs repairing.

* The tub in the girls bathroom needs new seal around the edges because it is causing a mold issue.

* Our hot water heater is going out and we only have about 15 minutes worth of hot water at time.

* AND we have massive holes in the side of our house courtesy of a wood pecker and now a new family of birds have taken up residence in our walls!!

* Not to mention all our windows need replacing and we need new siding on the house....

YES, this has all come about in the course of a month!!! And of course it happens RIGHT in the middle of having to raise all this money, getting paperwork together,  putting the boys room together and still trying to carry out all of the "normal" day to day tasks.

I am usually strong, positive and can find a bright side to any situation...but this one has me STRESSED out!

I know it is temporary frustration and we will work it all out and slowly get things repaired; but for now I feel I have a right to vent a little!

I know Satan is just trying to take hold and bring us down....

SO...on a bright note...

I do have a house to live in, praise God!

I have healthy children, praise God!

I have a loving and Godly husband, praise God! 

I have two amazing boys that God has called us to adopt, praise God! 

I have food eat....

clothes on my back....

friends...

family...

and I have a God who can and will see us through anything...

Things may be bringing me down in the moment; but as a whole...we are still so very blessed! 

Never the less; please pray these trials pass with ease!