The Going is Slow...

I had forgotten ...well, more like "intentionally blocked" out how painfully slow, daunting, and overwhelming the first few months of a new adoption is. Lets face it...there is just a LOT!!

The same gnawing/paralyzing fears are bubbling back to the surface....and no...not a SINGLE one of them is necessary or justified. And yet they replay in my head like a broken record and I know that I will once again obsess over every step of this adoption. But, that doesn't have to be a bad thing.....

Let find the good.

Because there is SO much good.

Yes, it's hard....

Yup, I will whine and complain WAY too much throughout the process.....

But its all out of love. I only vent my momentary paperwork frustrations because I just want that end goal...I want our little girl in our arms....safe, loved, and secure.....but mountains of paperwork stand in my way. It seems only natural I would despise the thing acting as barrier between us and our daughter. BUT I also know good and well that it is necessary. Every step matters....no step is insignificant...and in Gods timing....we will get to our girl.

We feel like this adoption has a bigger "unknown" factor than our last. With our boys, we were blessed enough to have missionaries giving us real time updates, sending pictures, and telling us how they were.....this time, we don't have any of that. We have a few short videos, 3 pictures, and a diagnosis list....a scary diagnosis list at that ( always thankful; I know many don't even have that).

She is diagnosed with....congenital malformations of her spinal cord/musculoskeletal system/eye/hip, lactose intolerance, nephritis, diverticulum of bladder, mental delays.....

We have researched everything on that list multiple times....and while we feel confident we can handle all of those needs....we still can't help but worry for our girl. We also know that she suffered from Leukemia as a baby. She is currently in remission (as far as we know) but we are also aware that it could relapse at any given point....in which case her life would, quite literally, hang in the balance.

There are just so many unknowns.

But the one thing we do know is that we love her....just as a Mother loves her child before they are born....we love her before she is officially "ours". 

I have stared at her picture MANY times over the last few years. I remember thinking how precious she was and wondering how on earth no one had scooped her up yet....little did I know then that she was meant to be a part of our family....

I love those game changers that God throws at us sometimes....

Keeps us on our toes and reminds us who is really in charge of our lives....

I just ask for prayers....we have a long journey ahead and in many ways we dont have all the logistics planned out. We have no idea how we are going to make it work....but we know God will provide...one day at a time....