Sunday, October 6, 2013

How are you doing emotionally?!

I desperately wanted to blog my every thought and
emotion throughout this journey..
so I may later piece together all the fragmented emotions 
in the hopes of compiling it into a memoir for our sweet boy(s)
someday. I want  need them to know how much
they were loved before they were "ours".

But every time I sit down to write... the emotion is 
almost too overwhelming and I find myself 
mentally shutting down and unable to properly form 
my thoughts or compile coherent sentences. 

My social graces are severely lacking. 
Anyone who has had a lengthy conversation with me 
has probably quickly picked up on my social anxiety.
Perhaps it comes from being home alone with children all
day or maybe it is just engrained into my 
personality to be socially awkward...

At any rate...
people often ask how we are doing emotionally; 
and my answer is most often "fine" or "we are just excited"...
and while we are (in the basic sense of word) "fine" and are
genuinely "very excited" there is a whole other level 
of guarded emotion that lies beneath my casual explanations. 


is about to change.

When I had my precious girls I was prepared for the 
constant diaper changes, lack of sleep, and dealing with a
crying newborn intruding on every aspect of my life. 
I expected to feel overwhelmed and lost as 
I adjusted to motherhood. 

And I was. 

But adopting two children with profound special needs 
is different....the needs are different...the expectations 
are unknown...and the perceived outcome is never a guarantee. 

So what am I expecting?!

I am expecting for our lives to never be the same. 

We, in no way, think that any part of this adoption 
will be remembered as "easy". There will 
be many sleepless nights, tears, and wondering 
what on earth we were thinking....

Aidens past will not be erased by simply 
loving him, providing a nurturing environment, 
or singing him lullabies. True, all of those 
things are important....but those are not
things that will give him immediate healing. 

The fact is; there will be NO immediate 
anything with our sweet boy...except 
maybe getting some nutritious food in him. 

This is a child who has never known a mothers love
Or a Fathers warm embrace...
He has never known FAMILY..
And everything that our girls received in 
their early development such as being attended to
when they cried, fed regularly, rocked to sleep, 
identifying with one person as "Mama"...

Aiden did not have any of that.

It will take many years of love, nurture, and 
therapy to see who Aiden really is...

So that he can be all God created him to be.

But first and foremost we have had to come to grips
with the fact that he may ALWAYS need us...

And that is okay...

Even IF love, therapy, nurture, and prayer does 
not "help" Aiden improve....we will still love him...
just as he is RIGHT now.

And while we prepare our hearts, our girls, and our home 
for a complete and total upheaval of our 
"comfortable" way of living we rest in peace
and assurance that this is the Lords calling...

God never calls us to "easy"...
Easy would be to ignore the pain 
these children endure.

Easy would be to turn a blind eye and focus 
on our own happy little family...

Easy would be to say, "No God, not us...not today...
someone else Lord... we can't...we WON'T"...

But God so clearly calls us to care for the fatherless..

He calls us ALL...

Sure, he calls us all in different ways. 
We are not all meant to adopt...

But we are ALL meant 
to do something....

We can ALL do something...

So how are we feeling emotionally?





But most of all


What a privilege adoption is...

We "should" hear about a travel date in about 3-4 weeks...
if we follow trend we will travel 2-4 weeks after we receive our date.
We "could" be leaving at the end of next month at the earliest...
We are SO close!

Please pray for our family as we make travel plans.
Pray for our girls as they adjust to Mommy and Daddy being
gone for a while and bringing home a new sibling(s).
Pray for Aiden....that the Lord may prepare his heart for all
the changes about to take to place and
all the love he shall soon receive.
And please pray that the last bit of funding comes in
for our second that he too may know
the love of a family...

And pray for all the other children who's parents have yet to
find them and those who's fate has already been sealed....

No comments:

Post a Comment