Here we GROW again!

We have a BIG announcement…

Ready?
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Drum roll....
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deep breath.....
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Zoe and Piper are going to have TWO big brothers!!!

: bet I can read your thoughts : WHAT?! Two...when did that happen?....Are you CRAZY??...How?!!...WHY?...when?....

Yes, you read that correctly...we are adopting two precious boys!!! Of course you already know about our darling Aiden; but who is this other precious boy??

Let me first explain how this all came about...

We have felt God laying the desire to adopt two children on our hearts for a while now; but just like with Aiden we couldn't imagine how it could ever happen. So we prayed...constantly...

Slowly but surely God showed us his will...

He gave us peace, assurance, and cast our worry aside...

We gave every excuse in the book as to why we could not adopt two children; and trust me...there is a WHOLE list of reasons excuses that we have come up with. We like to think that we are somewhat in control and that we ultimately have the final say and that Gods words are merely "advice" and not what he is actually commanding.

And as God did before (when we found Aiden) he decided to go after my heart first. God knows me well...and he know that a woman's heart is soft, malleable, and more willing divert from the originally given path. He started out small....very small...

So back in December, I had been researching beds that would be right for Aiden. I had a few in mind but nothing really struck me as the "right" fit. But no matter how many times I googled "toddler beds", "boys beds", "twin beds"....I ALWAYS ended up with a search result of bunk beds! What?! Bunk beds? We do not need bunk beds...my blind son climbing all over a bunk bed...BAD idea! I know it sounds insignificant but that was the moment that God first said, "no, you DO need them".

Of course, I ignored that thought.

A few weeks or so later God spoke through my oldest treasure, Zoe.  Zoe ALWAYS asks when we are going to be able to bring Aiden home but on this particular day she said, "Mommy, when are we going to bring my brothers home?"

"Soon sweetheart, we will be able to bring Aiden home this summer if all goes well!"

She frowned and said, " No Mommy, my BROTHERS...I am getting BROTHERS!"

Thinking she was just not pronouncing her words very well, I said "Yes you are getting a brother and he will be home this summer or early fall"

By this point she was noticeably frustrated with me, " Mommy, there are two!!"

" No honey just Aiden."

She sighed and said, "Mommy, you will just have to see because you dont know what you are talking about.." and she stormed off.

If you have ever met my oldest daughter then you know that this is very much her....she is four going on fourteen and gets very upset if you dont understand her properly. That was the second time that God began to whisper the thought of getting two children into my heart.

I then found myself back on Reeces Rainbow; searching, praying, asking God to show me his will.

But at this point we were not even approved for two children!!

Our home study was only for one...ONE!!! I told God it was not possible...that there was NO way! I knew that our social worker would not approve us for two. I then closed my computer almost angry that God would put something on my heart that was so IMPOSSIBLE.

My heart was so very burdened. I still felt God urging me to consider adopting another child....I prayed for him to take the desire and burden away so that I could focus on just Aiden and our girls. THEY were enough...

But God insisted...

The VERY next day I went to check my email and I saw and email from my social worker. The title was " two? ". My first thought was that my eyes were deceiving me or that it didn't mean what I thought.

I opened the email and instantly burst into tears....our social worker was finishing things up and said, " I was reviewing your finances and you actually qualify to adopt two children; are you sure you only want to be put down for one?".....before I could even think my fingers typed back a message saying, "Yes! We absolutely want to be qualified for two!!"....at this point, however, I had not said a word to Asa....my stomach hurt at the thought of telling him that we were approved for two and I cringed even more to tell him the news that God told me we are meant to take two...

I knew what his response would be; "NO way, no how!"....

And I was right! He was absolutely not interested in even entertaining the idea of adding a second child to our adoption. At that moment I felt myself grasping for strength and wisdom...I had to defend my case...I had to explain how and why God has laid this on my heart! I had to make him understand!!!

In that moment of desperation I realized that I had to stop.

I had to back off. I had to let God work on his heart in the same manor that he had mine...I could NOT nag and pester him to death about it ( and it was hard to keep my big mouth shut! ). But I wanted him to come the decision because its what GOD told him to do; not because his wife was insistently nagging him. 

So I prayed...constantly!!!

I prayed for peace that we could make this work, strength, assurance, and wisdom....

Asa told me that he would pray about it and see where God led him. I love my husband more than life itself and I know him to be a wise and kind hearted man. He has been with me since I was fifteen years old...we have NO secrets; so if he said he was praying about it I knew he meant it. So, I left him alone ( only mentioning it on occasion ).

It was at this point that I started searching for children who could potentially be our "second" adoptive child. I came across MANY who I felt a "connection" with....

The only problem was I was going by what "I" thought I wanted...I had not once consulted God on whether or not one of these children was the right fit for our family.

Again, I backed off....it HAD to be up to God. I prayed that night....

" Lord, please reveal the child YOU intend for us to have the honor of parenting. I give it ALL to you. Even if you ultimately don't give us a second child to adopt we will accept that as your will and be honored to just get our sweet Aiden." ...

Asa remained quiet. He didn't say much about adopting a second child and gave a shrug or two if I mentioned it. I, honestly, felt like he was not on board for two at all. And that was fine! I wasn't going to press it.

A few days later one of Aidens dear missionaries suggested a precious little boy.

My heart stopped. I had seen him before. I had even advocated for him and watched videos of him...why was seeing him now so different??

Instant love....

There is no other way to describe it. I felt it when I held my two precious girls in my arms for the first time, I felt it when I saw Aidens picture for the first time....and I felt it with this sweetheart as well...

It is a love that can only come from God. A peace that only our God in heaven can give...

I showed Asa his picture and told him how the Lord was speaking to my heart about this precious boy. He was in the same orphanage as our Aiden.

God answers prayers....

After surrendering every ounce of "control" that I thought I had and giving the situation to God...Asa too was on board. PRAISE GOD!!!

So without making you wait any longer; I would like to PROUDLY introduce you to our precious eldest son.....

"Nash"Gaige Killen ( we will be using his real name so for privacy reason we will call him Nash )

Gideon is 9 years old. He was born with hydrocephalus but to us he is absolutely PERFECT!! We are so excited to bring our two sweet boys home!!

Oh the mountains God can move...

These two angels will soon be given a new label. Their current label of orphan, unwanted, unloved, and forgotten will be stripped away....

They will soon be beloved sons, brothers, grandsons, loved, valued, important, and told each and every day how God placed them in our lives.

We are thrilled....

" I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me...."