Able to breathe for a bit...

Oh my heart...

I have been feeling very emotionally drained this last month; conflicted and anxious to get things moving along at a faster pace. It is truly amazing how much Aiden already feels like our son and our hearts literally ache to have him home with us. His sister (Zoe) asks about him everyday...the main question being, "Mommy, will Aiden be able to run and play with me when he gets home?!"...

My answer is always, " In time; yes...he will be able to run and play with you. But we are going to have to be patient with him and help him learn and understand that he CAN run and play." I know our Aiden is blind ( mostly at least; though we pray we can save a little bit of his vision) but we FULLY believe that he will be able to do everything our girls can do. It will take a LOT of time...we know that coming into a family is going to turn his entire world upside down and he may not even like us very much for a while; but we will love him through it all. I am so excited for him to be able to get the medical attention that he needs, the one on one therapy, hugs and kisses, two sisters, and a Mommy and Daddy who love him for EXACTLY what he is; perfect....just the way God intended him to be.

We had a wonderful Christmas. I held my girls tight, watched them open presents, eat way more candy than they should have, and play with all their new toys. I savored every single moment; time is so fleeting and I constantly feel like I am wanting to freeze time and keep them little for just a little while longer. I could not love Zoe and Piper more if I tried. I thought of how next Christmas might be with Aiden here; very different that is for sure...but how wonderful for us to ALL be together. As much as we enjoyed Christmas with our family, we knew that a piece of our heart was missing...our family was not complete. As silly as it sounds, I almost felt sad that he was missing Christmas with us.

I think one of the hardest things about adoption is not letting it TOTALLY consume you. As much as I love Aiden and our hearts ache to have him home, we have to keep in mind that we have two wonderful girls that need our undivided attention as well. We refuse to let them fall through the cracks...so as important as this adoption is...I think it is equally important to not neglect or forget those around you. Because in all honesty, it's very easy to become engulfed in the adoption process...so its definitely a challenge finding that "happy balance"...but we are doing wonderful so far!!

And our home study paperwork was mailed off a few days ago!!! PRAISE GOD! I feel like the home study preparation absolutely consumed me for a while so I am very glad to be able to breathe a bit. And I do mean for a "bit"....next we have to focus on our meetings with our social worker (starting in Jan,), the home visit, compiling our dossier, fundraising, fundraising, and then probably some more fundraising. But we know God will see this through; he has ALWAYS provided funds, support, and help when we needed it and we know he will continue to do so.

We are also in a mad scramble to get our house in order. We are going to be house parents to some wonderful Ukrainian orphans next week who are here with Bridges of Faith. We are SO excited to spend time with them; God used Bridges of Faith in us finding Aiden and we just cannot support them enough. We have met so many wonderful people and the children touched our hearts instantly...we pray that they ALL find their forever homes and that they have a wonderful Christian camp experience. We know that the children will impact us FAR more than we will them; they are such inspirations to us.

We leave for Mississippi tomorrow; there we will spend time with family and relax for a few days.

I hope EVERYONE had a wonderful CHRISTmas!!!

<3 and God Bless!!!

The Killens