How are you doing emotionally?!

I desperately wanted to blog my every thought and
emotion throughout this journey..

so I may later piece together all the fragmented emotions 

in the hopes of compiling it into a memoir for our sweet boy(s)

someday. I want  need them to know how much

they were loved before they were "ours".

But every time I sit down to write... the emotion is 

almost too overwhelming and I find myself 

mentally shutting down and unable to properly form 

my thoughts or compile coherent sentences. 

My social graces are severely lacking. 

Anyone who has had a lengthy conversation with me 

has probably quickly picked up on my social anxiety.

Perhaps it comes from being home alone with children all

day or maybe it is just engrained into my 

personality to be socially awkward...

At any rate...

people often ask how we are doing emotionally; 

and my answer is most often "fine" or "we are just excited"...

and while we are (in the basic sense of word) "fine" and are

genuinely "very excited" there is a whole other level 

of guarded emotion that lies beneath my casual explanations. 

Everything...

is about to change.

When I had my precious girls I was prepared for the 

constant diaper changes, lack of sleep, and dealing with a

crying newborn intruding on every aspect of my life. 

I expected to feel overwhelmed and lost as 

I adjusted to motherhood. 

And I was. 

But adopting two children with profound special needs 

is different....the needs are different...the expectations 

are unknown...and the perceived outcome is never a guarantee. 

So what am I expecting?!

I am expecting for our lives to never be the same. 

We, in no way, think that any part of this adoption 

will be remembered as "easy". There will 

be many sleepless nights, tears, and wondering 

what on earth we were thinking....

Aidens past will not be erased by simply 

loving him, providing a nurturing environment, 

or singing him lullabies. True, all of those 

things are important....but those are not

things that will give him immediate healing. 

The fact is; there will be NO immediate 

anything with our sweet boy...except 

maybe getting some nutritious food in him. 

This is a child who has never known a mothers love

Or a Fathers warm embrace...

He has never known FAMILY..

And everything that our girls received in 

their early development such as being attended to

when they cried, fed regularly, rocked to sleep, 

identifying with one person as "Mama"...

Aiden did not have any of that.

It will take many years of love, nurture, and 

therapy to see who Aiden really is...

So that he can be all God created him to be.

But first and foremost we have had to come to grips

with the fact that he may ALWAYS need us...

And that is okay...

Even IF love, therapy, nurture, and prayer does 

not "help" Aiden improve....we will still love him...

just as he is RIGHT now.

And while we prepare our hearts, our girls, and our home 

for a complete and total upheaval of our 

"comfortable" way of living we rest in peace

and assurance that this is the Lords calling...

God never calls us to "easy"...

Easy would be to ignore the pain 

these children endure.

Easy would be to turn a blind eye and focus 

on our own happy little family...

Easy would be to say, "No God, not us...not today...

someone else Lord... we can't...we WON'T"...

But God so clearly calls us to care for the fatherless..

He calls us ALL...

Sure, he calls us all in different ways. 

We are not all meant to adopt...

But we are ALL meant 

to do something....

We can ALL do something...

So how are we feeling emotionally?

EXCITED...

ANXIOUS...

SCARED...

BLESSED...

But most of all

HONORED!!

What a privilege adoption is...

We "should" hear about a travel date in about 3-4 weeks...
if we follow trend we will travel 2-4 weeks after we receive our date.
We "could" be leaving at the end of next month at the earliest...
We are SO close!

Please pray for our family as we make travel plans.
Pray for our girls as they adjust to Mommy and Daddy being
gone for a while and bringing home a new sibling(s).
Pray for Aiden....that the Lord may prepare his heart for all
the changes about to take to place and
all the love he shall soon receive.
And please pray that the last bit of funding comes in
for our second child...so that he too may know
the love of a family...

And pray for all the other children who's parents have yet to
find them and those who's fate has already been sealed....