Realizations

We are USCIS approved!!

Hallelujah! We have long anticipated making it this far on our journey.

Now all we have to do is finish a few documents, get them apostilled and we can be SUBMITTED!! For those of you unfamiliar with adopting lingo that means that we will basically just be waiting on a travel date!

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Now that I have told you our good news...I have some confessions to make...

When I started this blog I promised to be candid, open, and 100% honest about our feelings throughout this journey. So here is my honesty...

I'm scared

I had a bit of a breakdown this morning. Now, I am going to try to explain my feelings without sounding like a complete psychopath...

Upon looking at our boys fund on Reeces Rainbow and then checking all possible fundraisers that we have in the works...my mind instantly came to the conclusion of "impossible".

And out of no where sheer panic seemed to set in; my hands started shaking, it became hard to breathe, and I frantically started calling banks. I HAD to get a loan...there was no other way. I desperately just wanted the money to be there and I wanted it to be there NOW. I wanted to feel settled so I could focus on traveling...I would worry about the repercussions of taking out a loan later...

Thoughts of our boys not being able to come home because we couldn't come up with the money started flooding my mind. I pictured Aiden strapped to his high chair....crying, scared and alone....ALL because we had failed to raise the funds. I pictured "Nash" never knowing the love of a family and ending up in an adult mental institution.

It was enough to reduce me to tears.

I emailed my husband at work...blurting out how we had to get a loan, how no one cared, how our boys fund had been at a stand still for weeks, how fundraising had yielded very little, and how we hadn't heard back from ANY of the grants that we had applied for ...it truly seemed hopeless...

But in typing that email; I asked myself a VERY important question...

When did I stop trusting God?

When did God's word suddenly become "not enough"? When we started this adoption process God told us with undeniable clarity, " Do this, and I WILL provide".....

I broke down again; this time because I knew how horribly I had been doubting...

I had written off his promise as a "lie" without even realizing it.

My, how quickly we can stumble...

So I prayed.

I had been selfish to think (even for a moment) that no one cared. I have seen Gods outpouring of love through others...through donations, kind words of encouragement, and prayer. I had NO reason to think that no one cared about our boys...because it simply isn't true.

I wanted a "quick" fix for a worldly problem. (words of my husband)

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I knew that I needed to step back. 

I needed to trust that God had it all under control...even if I couldn't see it yet...He knows whats best.

After my much needed realization I checked our boys fund on Reeces Rainbow....it had gone up nearly $600.00 today!! 

GOD PROVIDES! ....AND GOD WILL PROVIDE...

Matthew 11: 28-29  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Even though I can faithfully rest in His word and know that His provisions will be enough in the end... we still have a great need that needs to be fulfilled. 

We are roughly $12,000 short of being fully funded...

PLEASE prayerfully consider making a tax deductible donation for our boys...help us set the captives free!! 

http://reecesrainbow.org/51404/sponsorkillen

For the love of our boys...

He WILL provide....but until then....

We wait....